Self-pity

When I was young, my Dad taught me to work hard, be honest, study, and learn, and the universe will reward you. I didn't realize back then, and it took me 40 years to understand that my Dad's definition of reward was very different from mine. My Dad wanted me to have a good job, buy a nice house, raise a good family, live near my family, access good health care, road, and schools, and take vacations once in a while. I indeed achieved those things. But, those weren't my definition of reward. I dreamt of building a company, finding a partner I love unconditioanlly, having more money than gods, and going on crazy adventures. I tried to make my dreams true, but I kept following my Dad's formula. And, the universe hasn't rewarded me the way I wanted.

I followed my Dad's formula at school, and I got good grades. I followed his formula in my corporate job, got a good salary and bought a comfortable house. I followed my Dad's formula in building my company, and I built a small company that makes money. And, I recently moved to live near my family. By my Dad's count, I'm a massive success. By my count, when I go to bed at nights, the last thought that takes me to sleep is, "how did I become such a dismal failure in my life?" 

I recognize this is a moment of self-pity...
Good night you trickster universe...